Everybody in their lifetime comes sometimes to a crossroad. So it is with me.
It is a time for new choices and commitments. A moment where it is like the time is suspended to let choices happen.Both short and long, this moment should be fully used to open a future of intelligence and generosity. It is also a time of real loneliness. When facing the great choices of one's life one is always alone. We may be helped and guided but the decision remains ours and ours only.
When in 1976 I decided to wander to find a Master it was in a mixed feeling of joy, apprehension and unconsciousness, alone with my first great decision. Later in 1978, when I decided to consecrate my life to practice I relied upon the Dharma, Gyalwa Karmapa and Guendune Rinpoche.
From then on my life followed a steady course for almost thirty years.Thirty years of training, learning about myself and others under the loving guidance of Guendune Rinpoche and Kunzig Shamar Rinpoche.These were the teenage years of my path .
Guendune Rinpoché passing away marked the end of adolescence and the beginning of adulthood, the time of reponsibilities. At that point Kunzig Shamar Rinpoché became my sole support and his vast and deep advice has enlightened my choices in a new way.
He regularly sent me towards people to share the Dharma. Slowly my confidence in the future of Dharma in the west grew and the way to spread it became clearer. Kunzig Shamar Rinpoche's requests were more and more precise and I could see with more accuracy how obvious they were.
I was torn apart between answering positively to Kunzig Shamar Rinpoche's requests and keep the commitments I received from Guendune Rinpoche. The Gyalwa Karmapa gave me the answer when he asked me if I had already found someone to take over the responsibilities in Kundreul Ling after me. From this point I begin considering a possible transition. It took time for things to take place but finally, thanks mainly to Jigmé Rinpoche,this community reacted in an adult and courageous way. The transition was properly done.
When in 1977 the XVI Gyalwa Karmapa told me to stay with Guendune Rinpoche, study Milarepa's biography and follow his footsteps, things were crystal clear. With time I found myself more and more entangled in the centers administrative responsibilities. One day as I opened myself up to Kunzig Shamar Rinpoche about this situation I told him that I was afraid I had gone astray for instead of following «Milarépa» I was as busy as «Marpa». He looked at me for a while and after a pause to consider the question he told me : « If one can really be Marpa it is better.».
For me the monastic ideal is withdrawing from the world to free oneself from its suffering which is connected to its alienating nature. This is achieved through a life of simplicity, strictly controlled mind, speech and actions.
My life since the end of the retreat years has been activity and committment in the world. I am trying to weave a positive and enlightening network of actions for this world. To leave this world is not as important as serving beings as long as there is a need. I try to follow the ideal of the Bodhisattva and the guidelines given by my Masters.
My monastic statute was connected with the responsibilities in Kundreul Ling, one couldn't be without the other. It was time for me to reconsider the new situation. I have given up the monastic life at the same time as I left the monastery's responsibilities.
My path today is that of an apprentice Bodhisattva in the world. There are so many people in this world who are looking for the Dharma, so many ways to offer them an access to it without also having to struggle with the culltural gap and a tradition that sometimes is repelling.
Meeting other beings freely, simply, guided by the Dharma and the Masters, Kunzig Shamar Rinpoche and Gyalwa Karmapa, this is my aspiration for the coming years.
Giving up certainty and a form of numbness which comes from the routine, to invent new paths. Take time. I am persuaded that, as far as I am concerned, the Dharma must adopt a form that is direct and lighter in its structure.
Maybe that is what finding Milarepa is all about?
I will try, and your friendship is precious to me. I don't know but I'll dare!
Happy trails.
With love,
Tsony
8 commentaires:
Hello Lama Tsony
I wish you all the best for your future and you was a great inspiration for me. I hope that your wishes comes true and your passion will remain in every aspect of your life. It was a pleasure to spend some time with you. I hope you will continue your blog...
Best regards from Switzerland
salut de la famille philippe privie de jonquieres.Nous avons visité le blog beau voyage merci A bientôt de te revoir philbus
Dear Tsony,
Stefan Petschinka from Cologne, Germany again. I hope to see you in the next months!
You have been (and you "are" still) really great, when you "just" said: "Check your motivation" to me in, I think "2001", when I was in Le Bost - This sentence has no borders, this sentence seems to be so easy, but there is a lot of heartfull developement in it. I just say thank you and: "This Sentence is it!"
So: You gipsy Monk: Look out for the next Crossroad, it is always there. The Doors (Not the Music Group ;-) are everywhere, you just have to open your mind.
Please feel free to contact me.
Lovely Greetings from here to there,
Your Stefan Petschinka
Tsony: It is your time to be in the world with food and music and good friends. Non? This is life in samsara. It must be so, for there to be nirvina. So sure that suffering, ego and dullness are found on both sides of the monastery gate...So happy! you have found the New World and us - who have come here - living free from culture/ prison and old ways. The Cave is cold; the beach is warm. Dharma teaching and awaked mind just off the next freeway exit; no culture, no clue: Tsony we need you. We are waiting.
Tsony, thank you for these words, they are beautiful.
hi francis, it's ages ago that we met but it's still quite inspiring and heart-touching to read your lines and thougths and motivation. must be like a bungee jump to step out of the warmth of all this familiar life and rolls and functions in order to step into the cool freshness or maybe fresh coolness of the unknown and unexpected new life.. so wish you all the best and maybe see you once again in the outer rim, where a lot of milarepa's activities is needed.. ;-) cheers, wolfgang
saludos Lama Tsony,
may your activities continually be of benefit, to you and all sentient beings. i thank you from the limitless depths of my heart for being a teacher and friend. teach by example, is one of many treasures you have taught me. like stefan says, "check your motivation". everything else, falls into place. looking forward to encountering you soon.
tu estudiante y amigo, césar de Pasadena
Greetings, Tsony la
I confident you will navigate through this bardo into yet more open situation and will maximize the training/teachings you have received during your ordained phase. I am happy for your current and future students/friends, and all beings that benefit from your activities.
……I’m thinking of Namcho Guru Rinpoche visualization where He is wearing full monks robes under a rich cloak and the full Boddhisattwa regalia.
May all you wishes and aspirations be realized. Love, - irina
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